So I’m at a friend’s housewarming party, and we’re playing one of those social games where the cards all give you foolish dares to do. A redhead offers me sexual innuendo as she mixes a drink. The game is not adult themed, but we are.
At one point in the game two guys have to make like they’re smitten Shakespearean lovers saying hello. They improvise, terribly, because of course they don’t know what they’re doing. “Guys, no no no,” I interrupt them, “there’s only one way to do this.”
Locking eyes with the redhead, I begin “If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine the gentle fine is this– My lips two blushing pilgrims ready stand, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.”
Her roommate has to cut me off. Stop it, Trevor, she’s ready to swoon.
That one felt good. Hey, remember when I lied to you about how bad a date had gone in Jacksonville? Okay, here’s what really happened:
I was so nervous when I phoned her to pick a place for dinner, that at one point I literally interjected “Wait, I’m calling bullshit on [something she said].”
She hung up.
Book review: Chuck Klosterman’s Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs.
Stopped at 20%.
The price seems too high
With the laughs seldom cloaking
Hostility, masquerading as joking.
For essays of sustained madness with yet method to them, I prefer The Last Psychiatrist. Can’t remember, have I showed you this one before? (Skip the preamble, the piece starts at “The NYT has an article criticizing hipsters.”)
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/12/product_review_panasonic_pt_ax.html
Currently listening to: Simon and Garfunkel, Sounds of Silence.
Found them on Amazon Prime Music, and as it happens they wash the anxiety right out of me. I immediately snobbed out, and now I prefer this version of the title track.
On Thursday the boss told me my code was pretty good. I want to end on a high note, so it’s mighty fortunate that…
I know where the exit is!
Infinite Paper 